I had my second ever PET/CT scan, which came back clean, and my ca-125 seems to have leveled out at 20-21. This is all fabulous news, despite the fact that I’m still having pain episodes, and they’ve sort of gotten worse. We are as convinced that it’s scar/nerve pain, as we are stumped as to what to do about it. I’m okay with this. I can live with this pain. In the grand scheme of things, it’s no big deal. Perspective, perspective, perspective…
I have a story to tell about the amazing tech that did the scan, but I’ll save that for another post.
There are some dynamics shifting. Lately, when I go to Mercy for my appointments, the vibe I get is “You’re fine, why are you even here?!?” It’s a dream come true, but it’s also unsettling. For a long time, I viewed my “family” at Mercy as my support system and, indeed, they were. Now, I’m well, and they have a lot of sick people to take care of, who need their undivided attention. I’m glad to not waste their time and energy, and I’m re-dedicating myself to fostering and nurturing relationships with my fellow cancer survivors. THEY are my primary support system now, and I believe in the community we build around and through ourselves with my whole heart.
Speaking of which, I’d just gotten done telling a “normal” friend how I never leave a support group meeting feeling “bad” or needing to process, and then last night happened. Our friend came with sad news about a friend of hers from her youth, dying suddenly, though not so suddenly, of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.She’d arrived late, after we’d been chatting for a while about our sweet lady L, who is fighting to recover from her cord blood transplant. She has NHL, too. I was about to break, and then the energy was redirected. Well, this story brought me crashing down. I’ve seen all my favorite “cancer friends” cry at group, but yesterday was my first time. I hated it. The only thing I felt bad about, coming out of the meeting, was myself, and I needed some serious decompression time afterwards. Nothing a late-night trip to the supermarket can’t fix. I love those girls so much. A couple of us are going indoor rock climbing this month. I’m preparing for my very first First Descents trip–which will probably be happening next summer. Truthfully, I can’t wait!! I’m working on my nickname already 🙂
Look what I saw while walking at The Inner Harbor! Lying smack in the middle of the pavement.
At first, I thought it looked like a tree. Then, I looked closer and I also saw the heart. Beautiful!
One last thing; ALL hospital gowns should be as cute as the ones in my plastic surgeon’s office:
Every time I go for an appointment, I want to steal one though, of course, I don’t.